Author's Note: I continued this piece again and it's kind of short, but I hope you enjoy it.
After taking a second glance at the window I wondered how I could be standing on my two feet. After walking around I jumped up and down and it seemed to be like earth's gravity, but how? How could they do this? It didn't seem possible, but it was.
Out then five other people came around the corner and bowed in front of the captain. Then they started to get into some martial arts stance. Then the captain said hit and they got back into a regular standing position. He announced me to the rest of the group and I shook all of their hands. All of their grips were firm and I could tell that they were older than me and stronger than me. After greeting them the captain or what they called him "master" told me to focus in on the target and told me to shoot it. After a few seconds of confusion I asked where my gun was. He laughed at me and said that I would shoot with my eyes'. After that I looked at the target as hard as I could and I just couldn't shoot it. The master just stared at me like he couldn't believe his eyes'.
I thought the first paragraph was really funny, especially the last sentence. I thought this piece was pretty good. I hope you will continue this story.
ReplyDeleteI think that you should continue this piece because it really caught my attention.
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting, but there are some things I wanted as a reader. First off, there's the author's note. What are you actually trying to accomplish with this piece? What aspect of writing are you seeking to improve here? You need to be able to speak to that question on any given piece, and the information should be found in the author's note. Also, while it is fiction, there still is a need for paragraphing to organize the work. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot here, so I also question what depth is there to this writing?
ReplyDeleteIt would be good to know why you were writing about this... It was good, but it didn't really make sense because we didn't know what your story was about.
ReplyDelete